"The Lexington" original poem by Kelly Alexandra Hoff, 2019

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"A man stares at me from the bar.

             A concubine?

             No, not me.

                    Why is he doing that with his chest?  That energy?

            Suggesting a drink?

                       Like the men from my past?

While I'm on something that I didn't know was a date.

I'm a date with a man in a hat.

       He orders the muscles and the cheese.

I talk of trauma.

I talk of loneliness.

           He gets impatient.

In the hallway, with the mirrors.

                 I decide I'll kiss him.

The fanciest place I've ever been, 

           compared to how I feel.

           The people stare.

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My friend is nice.

           He's cordial.

                       He knows how to speak.

But still the eyes.

           Like I'm a concubine.

                       Look at me.

Why don't they believe

           that he really wants to meet me?

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I ordered the Israel.

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I like a man that will talk.

I like a man that will listen.

But I'm not a concubine.

I'm not your sin.

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I like feeling graceful.

The feel of my dress.

I like how he talks.  His voice.

Why did I drink so much?

I'm barely thinking about what's next.

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I like the way he talks.

His voice has a quality that slightly reminds me of my father's.

I rarely encounter that.

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He's my Russian friend in a hat.

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He bought me some nuts at the candy store.

He let me play his accordion.

After the jazz club, on the street.

Near a metal table.

           It felt so European.

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I miss my friend.

            Now he's in France.

And now I'm alone.

           Waiting for my love to come visit from Missouri.

I feel so alone here in America.

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Is that why I met this man in a hat?

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Because my heart's felt so cracked?

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I hope my friend in the hat comes back.

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His hair is curly and black.

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He said he's going to France,

           but he'll be back.

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Is it because I'm so skinny?

Is it because he's older than me?

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The pain in my chest.

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Oh, please don't leave me.

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I didn't even expect him to come up and say "hi" to me.

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A musician, a man.

          I, in a Blackhawks cap."

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~ "The Lexington," ("My friend in a hat") by Kelly Alexandra Hoff, January 2019

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published online:  March 6, 2022