What am I doing?...

What am I doing?…

1. my philosophy on recording, filming, or whatever:

I like a bare bones and stripped down aesthetic.

I like a stripped down aesthetic and I like to be resourceful, using the recording equipment and instruments I have available to me at the time and make the most of them. I don’t feel like I need top of the line professional grade equipment to be successful and have what I want to communicate come off well. In fact, sometimes it helps that it’s not very professional. It’s not to say I don’t appreciate professional level gear. I do have quite a bit of very good, professional level gear. Some of it is broken, and needs repairing… and I’m holding onto it saving it for a rainy day!.. when I can actually afford to get it fixed… but I am not one to jump through hoops to make my stuff sound super professional, like having all sorts of fancy filmography equipment, to make a video that looks like someone on a professional record label, would make. It’s not say that videos like that don’t look good. I like to watch elaborate, professionally made and professional looking videos. I watch them on YouTube all the time. But I just like to use what I have at my disposal to make what I want to make, and not worry about living up to some “industry standard,” or whatever. If at sometime, I decide to make some super elaborate videos with professional equipment, I do. But right now, that’s not what I’m doing. I am not doing that with my recordings either, and do have aspirations to release 3 albums within the next year, if I can make it happen. Albums of work that have been written over the past 11 years basically… I don’t have a lot of income, and I have to make the most of what I have. And I do believe I can do that well, to be honest.

As far as visuals, I like to use just kind of non-pretentious snapshots - self-portraits, pictures of nature and places I’ve been, casual photos other people have taken of me and of me with other people. I guess you can see a quite a bit of me, just in my daily life, in the photographs. I sometimes include things that are very personal and special to me, part of my family history, or part of my childhood. Family photos. I have a photo of me up when I was visiting & staying at friend’s house when I was in middle school, that my friend took. Sometimes it’s scary to me to share very personal parts of myself, or very private photos, but for some reason, I still do it… I think it’s important for me to not only express myself, but also to show where I have been.

I am quite impulsive and like to be spontaneous. This sometimes results in me releasing on the internet, videos of imperfect performances, with mistakes, or awkward pauses. But I feel at this point in time, I don't want to waste my time on constraining perfectionism that is self-limiting, and prevents me from actually accomplishing anything.

I could sit around all day, trying to make something perfect and get frustrated and want to throw my pen across the room, wind up in a painful rage over trying to take too many takes of a live recording, for example, but I’d rather just do my best and release what I have as it is, as long as I feel good about it.

2. Who do I like listening to? Watching?

I like Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile. I like that Jewish lady, Fran Lebowitz’s “Pretend It’s a City,” limited series. I watch a lot of Jewish stuff actually… Israeli TV show’s, holocaust movies. Some times more than others… I grew up watching “The Nanny,” so I like funny Jewish ladies in leopard print & bright colours. Oh, and Cher! I like Joan River’s comedy. And “Spaceballs” is my favourite movie, by the way. I like South Park. And I like Drunk History. (Although I don’t watch it very much.. Right now…) I like any kind of history really. I found Chinese history really fascinating when I was in high school. I like Native American spirituality, and loved learning about the Native Americans when I was little.

PJ Harvey is my favourite. I’m super into Nick Cave right now. Yes, I like Fiona Apple…. I know you’re all going to compare me to Fiona Apple…. I like jazz. Billie Holiday is my favourite jazz singer. I like rock music. I like Nirvana and Alice In Chains. When I was in 6th grade, I really liked Bush and Oasis. I know PJ Harvey hates Oasis, and I don’t care.

3. Are you in pain?

Yes.

Actually, I don’t know if anyone would ask me that. I don’t know if they can tell. Unless I tell them first. But, yes, I am in pain all of the time. Or a lot of the time… I have chest pains a lot. I don’t know why. I work through the pain though. I rest a lot. I try to eat as healthy as I can, and do enough dishes so that I can cook a little and eat. Yes. I am in a lot of pain. Honestly though, I am feeling a little stronger lately though. I have been trying to exercise a little more. I am trying to cook more. It’s hard though. I am going to keep trying though. I am going to keep dancing and making music. And hope I can make a career for myself. So, thank you for you all who pay attention and listen & watch my videos. Let me know if you would like me to play a show near you. I am hoping I can get things together and release albums soon.

Thanks for reading.

- Kelly Alexandra Hoff, “Alix”, Wednesday, October 13, 2021; 6:35am